The Grieving Process

I just needed a place to write and express how I am feeling, so I hope none of you mind. Today marks 4 months since our Baby arrived in the arms of Jesus.  It amazes me how time is suppose to heal and most of the time I do feel fine, but then it hits me. It hurts all over again. I have thought about how I would know if we were having a girl or boy, how our little one would be rolling around inside my womb growing everyday, how I would be over half way through my pregnancy, how I would be sitting up at night reading and talking to our little one about everything. I miss my baby and the joy I have while being pregnant.   My husband is amazing he will sit up all night and hold me if I need him to just comfort me, he will talk to me, quote scripture and best of all just be there for me.  Most people don't really know the emotions that flood my mind everyday and I really don't know why it is so hard sometimes, but it is. Last night it hit me like a ton of bricks, I started thinking about the whole day when everything happened.  I know right now I think about where I would be in my pregnancy, in October I will be saying how we would have another baby and years from now I will be saying how old our baby would be.  There are times when I smile thinking about the day I am reunited with our Little One and days when tears stream down my face. Today is one of the tear filled days. The kind of day I wish things would have been different and how we all would be enjoying the preparation process for our new addition, how my kids would be kissing my belly, talking to the baby and feeling all the kicks. 


I know there are some of you out there that know how I feel and know exactly what I am going through. Some may say, "Just get over it already." Which I have had people say. I am sorry, but to the world I lost an embryo (a cluster of cells), to me...I know, I lost my baby. I saw the heartbeat and there was nothing I could do, but say, "Good-bye".  This is my grieving process that's all. God has been so good to me and I am thankful that I know I will see my baby again, but there are days that come that are much harder then the ones before.


Thank you Bloggers for allowing me to just share my heart today. For me this is the best way to get myself back to being me. Please know that I do not dwell in the loss of our baby and I am not depressed, but there are days that I really need to lean on the Lord to help me through and He always does. Today, is just one of those days. Looking forward to the day we see our "Little Angel" again.


My God is the God of ALL comfort, because He has personally endured the worst human suffering possible.


"Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." II Corinthians 1:3-4

I hadn't shared this picture yet, but here is my belly!